It's been far too long since I've blogged and lately I've been feeling like I need to just start writing again. It has been a hard summer in a lot of ways. Things happened that could have broken me if I had let them. Hard, hard things that left me struggling to remember the one thing that most makes this life bearable. The only thing that will keep you in a life filled with joy. To be intentionally filled with gratitude to God for all he has given us now. Remembering always that all of life is a grace filled gift from above and, as a result, living a life of thankfulness. I have been finding it too easy to forget at times to be thankful for what I have, what is given to me everyday, and instead I have spent more time than I should focused on what I don't have, what I want or what I think I should happen in this life. I forget that nothing I think matters.
God never promised us easy or even that He would always give us what we want or think we need. All He promised was that if we follow Him, unconditionally, that it would all be worth it. I believe that it is all worth it. No matter how hard it is or how much circumstances in this broken world threaten to break me. If I am following Jesus, wherever He leads, it is all ok. And I am grateful for all of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. I am so thankful that He chooses to allow me to be a part of ANYTHING He does! I don't deserve it. I am absolutely imperfect and undeserving of any of it. I don't deserve the many blessings in my life. I don't deserve the honor of bearing the burdens He has placed on me. I don't deserve the many opportunities He gives me to get things right that I keep getting wrong so many times over and over again. I don't deserve the chance to be a part of the lives of the people that mean so much to me. I don't deserve the moments of grace He puts in my life every day, the people that have been there for me unexpectedly and who have been just the very grace I have needed to get me through. And most of all I don't deserve to be saved but by His grace I am! By His grace this pain filled life is just a stop on the road, an eventual blip on the map that will be over in a blink of an eye and all I want is to be a good and faithful servant, to remember grace and be thankful for all I have been given - big and small. Because even though I don't deserve His grace, He gives it freely and if we just stop long enough to see, it is enough.
I am choosing to allow whatever He gives to be enough. I am choosing to be thankful once again for the little things in life, for everything in life. For a weekend of fun and a chance to spend time with and love 3 very special little girls. For the 2 boys He has brought into my household and a chance to be a much bigger part of their lives than I ever would have been before. For just enough money to get the bills paid and to keep a roof over our heads. For family, no matter how crazy they are or make me. For great and caring coworkers. For a church family and a place to freely worship. For the chance to teach young children about God and to show them His love. And most of all I am thankful that He loves even me and that His love is so great that I want nothing more than to pass it on.
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